Sorry for Your Loss
Suffering a loss of a loved one is by far one of the most difficult and for some, devastating events on our life experience. However, it does not have to be. Every single event, issue, problem, or occurrence that so untimely presents itself before us, can be instantaneously rectified by one simple and powerful tool... our perspective!
I remember as a very young child being tossed around one morning like a hot potato. My family members were franticly in search of a last minute babysitter for me, as they were all on their way to my grandmother's funeral. All the grief and heavy sadness that filled the room frightened and saddened me deeply as well. However, no one troubled to explain to me what had transpired. Later that afternoon, as I watched all the seemingly trillions of white crumpled balls of tissue left about the room, I over heard the adults discussing this unexpected all intrusive thing nobody likes called death.
In a much confused state, I wandered back to my room and sat alone thinking what ifs'. "Could this death thing happen to my mother someday?" "What if my mommy were to die?" I thought to myself. "When would this happen?" I cried alone for hours. Suddenly, I had an idea. "My grandmother was old when she died!" That must be the answer. You probably die when you become old. From that point on, I believed that I could keep my mommy here... with me... as long as I possibly could, if I were to prevent her from ever getting old. My secret weapon and plan was to ban myself from ever knowing my mothers age. I refused to ever put myself around her or anyone else for that matter when they discussed her age, and to not mentally acknowledge her birthdays but just eat that yummy cake.
Strikingly, I stuck to this plan throughout my adult years. Later, I managed the misfortune of learning of my dad's age, I recall thinking he's as old as the speed limit! Which then was 55. I knew he was several years older than my mother so still...not to worry. When my mother died i did not know her true age. I would only learn about her actual age being 62 as I read it in the obituary.
I lost both of my parents a short time ago. However, losing our loved one will always seem like yesterday for us all. I keep a level head through means of my perspective. realizing how much pain and suffering they were both in at the hands of their ailments. And how selfish I seemed for wanting them to stay here as long as I could keep them here, suffering and in pain or not. Watching them lay there, unconsciously, wordless, in their hospital beds, thinking and experiencing only God knows what.
What if the ones who pass on jump out of their broken down physical sickly bodies doing the hoola, and shouting for joy, "Yes!...I'm finally free!" Yippy! when they pass?? We truly have no idea right? We are actually being selfish in wanting our loved ones not to leave us when they are sick, or suffering, and wanting to leave this painful, place called "the world" or "life."
From what I knew, wanting them to hang on could only be for satisfying "myself". Not for them. What would they really want in that condition? How could I know without a prior Will and Testament before my eyes? Is this truly loving them? For me to write out my own personal prescription for the time of their death? My decision was to thank my creator that my parents were no longer here to experience the surgeries, and cutting open and sewing back together, and the experimental drugs and implanted devices.
Yes, medicine is remarkable. And all it's life saving technology. And prayer is an even more powerful life saving tool. However, being grief stricken after the prayer has been placed, and the technology has failed, gives rise to the true test of our faith, the love for those who have passed on, and for ourselves in general. Don't we have a responsibility to ourselves...the living, to put our proclaimed faith and perspective into action? It truly is about perspective.
In my perspective, I chose to call it a "Going Home Celebration" for my parents. Because that is what it truly is. I took special care and precautions not to have a single sticker on any car that read the word "Funeral." The obituary read the words "Going Home Celebration" as well. It was a happy and spectacular day. An enormous amount of police escorts, fire engines and officers every where due to the professions in the family. People ran from their homes and stopped on street corners in amazement as we drove by headed to the burial grounds. They must have thought it had been the death of a celebrity of diplomatic figure from all the commotion.
Who knows..they may actually be looking down over us all with great sadness because we are still alive! They may be looking down on us wishing we could experience how happy they are in their new non-physical state of being. Or perhaps they are pitying us for not knowing how pressure our time is here, disappointed that we are not gripping on to each day and each other, and opening our minds to allow in the proper perspective, and living out a healthy, productive, and joy filled life.
Nikki Brown
Writer Nikki Brown is a freelance correspondent and the author of the published book, "UNCONVENTIONAL LOVE...From Relationship to Marriage"
Available at Amazon and wherever books are sold
Available at Amazon and wherever books are sold
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